Parenting Talks in October: Raising Resilient Teens in Our Digital World with Dr. Kakaiya

Join Dr. Kakaiya as she facilitates interactive discussions on the digital divide, the impact of social media on the teen brain, attachment parenting, self-esteem and drug use, parenting skills and strategies, and how to raise a sustainable digital family!

Open to all parents!

Wednesday October 7th 6:00 pm: Challenger Middle School
10810 Parkdale Ave San Diego,CA

Thursday October 8th 6:15 pm: Carmel Valley Middle School
3800 Mykonos Lane San Diego,CA

Wednesday October 28th 6:30 pm: Mesa Verde Middle School
8375 Entreken Way San Diego, CA



Support Domestic Violence Prevention by sharing a message of hope and using the hashtag, #voiceshavepower!

Every message of hope that is shared and, subsequently, every $3 that is donated will help further proven and innovative dating and domestic violence programs focused on youth, technology, and prevention.

Click here for more information.


Neurofeedback Guidelines for Parents

Your decision to provide Neurofeedback for your child is a very important one, and reflects your dedication to your child’s well-being and your commitment to helping your child achieve the most that he or she is capable of achieving. Neurofeedback training requires a serious commitment of your time, effort and money, and, like you, we want to give it the best chance for success.

Sleep and Nutrition
Neurofeedback training might look simple, and the training sessions might be brief, but it requires a great deal of mental energy, attention and concentration. Furthermore, it is often done after school, when most children are already tired. It is, therefore, important that your child gets enough sleep the night before each appointment, and gets adequate nutrition not only the day of the appointment, but during the entire period of training. Please make sure that your child goes to bed at a reasonable hour, and that he or she has something to eat before each session to minimize distractions from hunger or fatigue.

Limiting Distractions
During each session, it is important for your child to focus without distractions. Even slight sounds can throw the child off track. We do want parents to understand what goes on during a session, so we welcome parents to observe during the child’s first session. While we do not forbid parents from observing after that, we need you to understand that a parent’s presence in the room can create unintentional distractions. For example, with a parent in the room, the child might be aware of the parent sitting behind him or her and might want to turn around periodically to make sure the parent is watching or to share the experience. Even if a parent sits quietly out of sight, the sound of the parent shifting in the chair, or turning a page in a magazine, can break a child’s concentration. A parent commenting on a child’s performance, even if is well meaning praise, can distract a child and make it difficult for him or her to get back on track. One difficulty we often encounter is a parent telling a child what to do, such as setting limits on unwanted behavior, or telling a child to sit, pay attention, listen, or do a good job. It is the therapist’s job to handle the child’s behavior and to judge what is acceptable and what will interfere with the training. Having two adults in the room telling a child what to do often sets a negative tone, even if the parent only intends the best.

Communicating with the Child or the Therapist in the Office
Children often enter the office negotiating with a parent for certain privileges or activities after the session. Since this makes it hard for the child to settle down, we ask that parents not engage in these discussions with their children once they enter the office. A negative effect is also created by the parent reporting on what the child did wrong that day or that week. The child often responds with shame, embarrassment, defensiveness or anger, which are unproductive for neurofeedback training. We are certainly interested in any of your concerns about your child; we only ask that you report them to us discretely, or by voicemail before the session, or through a separate appointment if a lengthier discussion is necessary.

Accompanying Your Child to the Sessions
Please accompany your child to most, if not all, of the training sessions. We might need you to fill out a symptom tracking form, or provide us with current information, as frequently as possible so we can keep track of the problems that we are trying to treat. If you cannot accompany your child to an appointment, please send information pertaining to your child’s recent functioning with the adult who brings your child, or leave the therapist a voicemail before the session. This will keep the therapist up to date as to the effectiveness of the training.

Being on Time
It is important to arrive on time for your child’s appointments. Given the time limits of each session, it is important to make use of all the time allotted.

Cell Phones and Electronic Devices
Cell phones and all other electronic devices must be turned off in the office, as any electromagnetic radiation can interfere with the EEG signal. We thank you for your cooperation, and look forward to a pleasant and successful training experience.

For more information, please visit the website of Edwards Jacob, Ph.D & Associates.

Self Harm Social Media and Social Contagion

Parent Alert – What do smart phones have to do with self-harm? An epidemic among our middle school students – YES!!!!

We all know that the Internet has dramatically changed the lives of humans all over the world. While majority of it is positive, the dark sides of it walk into our therapy offices all day long. I write this article as an appeal to parents of 5th through 11th grade students. PLEASE, please, please think twice before you give your “child” free access to a playground that has no monitors.

As a Psychologist who has been treating teens here in San Diego for almost 30 years, I am blown away by the hoards of teens who are self harming in the last 1 to 2 years.

Cutting is a behavior that traditionally has had roots in trauma, mood instability and often girls or boys who are not able to “find” feelings or name “feelings.” As mental health providers, our work tends to be in the arena of working through the traumatic events, finding ways to cope with the emotional rollercoaster that can be present with the teen brain and identifying feelings and learning how to cope with negative emotional states.

How does one connect smart phones to cutting and self-harm?  Celebrities use social media to spread the virus through sites such as Tumblr, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram. When we have Demi Lavato, Myle Cyrus, Brittney Spears, Selena Gomez and Lady Gaga openly talking about their “recovery” from self-harm, girls who worship them begin to see this as normal behavior. Some of these celebrities are well intentioned, in that they are trying to prevent other girls from going to these behaviors.

This mimicry is called social contagion. In very simple words – contamination! The epidemic of self-harm is completely being transmitted virally via social media and the Internet. There are hundreds of blogs in the Internet that glorify self-harm. Middle school girls feel an enhanced sense of belongingness when they are part of “the” club that cutsL Other blogs glamorize the “thigh gap” and yet others glamorize anorexia and bulimia.

To understand social contagion, we have to understand some brain science. We are all born with mirror neurons, which give us empathy and connection. These mirror neurons are responsible for the “copying” behaviors that we all do. Most teens will say they do not want to be like everyone else, yet they are constantly trying to fit in, and be in a group. Teen angst is all about finding your self, and looking for people to emulate and inspire you. The teen brain is under construction and will not be fully developed till age 25. When Demi Lavato who is so strong, powerful, vibrant and rocks the preteen and teen world speaks, they ALL listen.

If someone has the flu and you are nursing them, chances are you may develop the symptoms in a few days since you got exposed to the virus. The PROXIMITY put you at risk for the flu. Social media “contaminates” millions of girls and boys across the globe. Cutting is a maladaptive behavior, and this social acceptance makes it an adaptive, socially accepted, even approved behavior.

The most protective factor a parents can create is to not have your child/teen have a smart phone till they are 17 or older, keep the computer and ipads out in the open in the family, have discussions about which social media their kids are on, and who do they follow? If the bird flu were going around what protective factors would you create around your teen? Be a parent please?

Posted on 6/23/2014

Tips – Self Harm and Contagion Factor of Social Media

Tips – Self Harm and Contagion Factor of Social Media

Tips for parents

  • Please do not regard the self-harm as a phase that the person is going through.
  • They have developed some very severe symptoms that are going to be very addictive.
  • Intervention needed in the form of strict parameters.
  • Do a total digital detox like how you would you a drug detox
  • Take away their cell phone completely at least for 2 years to have the brain completely change
  • Create public areas where they can go on the internet in the home
  • Realize that Dopamine is secreted with cutting. Dopamine is the molecule of addiction.
  • Completely remove them from the offending environment i.e. friends who are contaminating them or the school environment
  • Would you not remove your child from their drug using peers? Same thing with cutting. Remove them from those friends
  • Know all the passwords to all their accounts
  • Do not leave computers unattended during your detox phase. If an alcoholic is trying to get sober, would you send them to the bar?
  • Understand that your child is struggling with some deep emotional issues that they really need help with. Get them professional competent help with a seasoned Psychotherapist who will include you into the team
  • Any therapist treating the teen should be very inclusive of the parent and not leave the parent out in the dark.

Tips for School, Counselors and Teachers

  • Get to the source of the self-harm behavior.
  • If coming from social contagion remove the Queen Bee and the Kingpin of the group from school
  • Take a tough stance about ZERO tolerance for glorifying cutting behavior.
  • Act with the same disciplinary manner with the cutting behavior as you would with pot usage or alcohol usage
  • Create a protective environment for those who got infected by inoculating them with Girls and Boys Leadership programs, that move their energy into positive ways of belongingness and being popular.


Comprehensive resource:

Natural Relief for Migraines – The Neurofeedback Solution

Today, medical experts estimate that more than 45 million people in the United States alone deal with headaches on a regular basis. If you suffer regularly with tension or migraine headaches, then you know all too well how debilitating they can be. In severe cases, both types of headaches can actually prevent a person from working, going to school, and living a normal life. If you have tried over the counter and prescription medications without much or any success, you might want to consider the benefits that Neurofeedback provides.

Migraine headaches are usually localized in certain areas of the brain and this varies from person to person. The most commonly misdiagnosed headache is the sinus headache that is often a migraine, and not accurately diagnosed. It is very possible to have a migraine without any of the classic symptoms of migraine such as nausea or throbbing pain. Migraines tend to run in families.

Migraines are the result of turbulence in the brain that appears to have very slow wave activity. Theses inefficiencies in the brain can result in a series of symptoms including headaches, poor memory, loss of concentration, eating and sleep.

The brain receives the feedback from itself (almost like watching itself), and it learns to regulate the Central Nervous System that is the source of the migraines. As the brain is watching itself through the Neurofeedback process, it learns to detect where the turbulence is and changes itself to have a better outcome.

The most exciting news is that Migraine sufferers are shocked that such a treatment was not available to them prior to all the medications they took over the years. Usually it takes about 10 sessions to experience relief from the migraines. Permanent lasting change will take effect in about 20 to 40 sessions.

This non medication treatment modality is not presented enough in the media for headache sufferers to see that there are non medication modallities that are there that one can tap into.

The following are research articles on migraines and effectiveness of Neurofeedback:

Stress: The Silent Killer

The perils of modern life seem to be lurking in the hallways of our psyche through the pathways of stress. When one thinks of defining stress it is hard to pinpoint where it actually resides. Symptoms of stress are so global that they affect all areas of a person’s functioning from headaches to digestive issues, depression and a feeling of impending doom. Typically when a person is feeling stressed it is because there are some areas of their life that feel off balance and they are not coping as well as they could and should under different circumstances.

This is a key factor to keep in mind when it comes to handling stress. Often when we feel powerless and a loss of control the sensations increase and the body responds by throwing out more cortisol to deal with the threat.

When the body is experiencing stress it is in a total fight or flight mode and it has no way of knowing what the dangers are and when the dangers may subside. It is the heightened cortisol that damages the cells in the body and creates the illnesses that we experience that are a result of stress.

It is imperative to understand how stress manifests’ itself so that we are aware of all the possibilities that are there for us to counteract the cellular damage that the cortisol is creating.

The stress hormone can be directly reduced by the following simple ways:

  • Breathing – breath work through 5 minutes of daily meditation
  • Attitude adjustment that says “this too shall pass” keeping in mind that all events are of a transitory nature
  • Exercise regularly. Exercise boosts our immune system and directly reduces cortisol in the body
  • Brain training to balance the brain – Neurofeedback is a treatment modality that helps the brain to be retrained so that the brain regulates itself and does allow stress to dysregulate the other body functions. Neurofeedback works to regulate the entire brain so not only does it help with the stress, but it also helps with anxiety, depression, sleep irregularity and headaches. Neurofeedback is a way we are teaching our brain to meditate and balance itself
  • Eat fresh, healthy foods that are all colors of the rainbow. Fresh foods have antioxidant qualities that boost the cells back to health and get rid of the oxidative stress that the cells are experiencing. Fresh greens essentially flush out the stress from the body!
  • Dance and do social activities that rejuvenate the brain and then you will feel happier since the brain likes it when we create new adventures that excite and delight our senses.

Stress is an inevitable part of our day-to-day life and how we manage it truly determines the quality of our life and the joy and meaning we are able to tease into each day. Research has shown that the people that are the happiest are people that actually give back more than take. Do not let stress overpower you – instead look for ways you can try to make a difference in your community. This is the best stress buster of all!

Relationship between Debt, Depression and Death by Suicide – The Deadly D’s

Consumerism is the aliment of the 21st Century and advertising that makes us feel inadequate constantly bombards us if we don’t have the latest gadget or the best clothes or the fastest car. The advertising “world” spends $200 Billion dollars a year seducing us to buying various products so that we develop brand loyalty and remain addicted to buying.

As a Psychologist I treat addictions of all types and spending beyond one’s means is one of the ailment that brings people into treatment at our Healthy Within Brain Institute. A dysregulated brain is bound to be impulsive, thrill seeking and anxious.

In popular media we will often have jokes about “retail therapy” where one truly does get a dopamine fix when they go shopping when depressed.

Even though a person may be aware that they don’t have the money to pay for a particular item, they will still shop because they are going for the ‘fix” just as the cocaine addict would go for cocaine even though they know it creates huge problems for them.

Dopamine is also known as the “craving molecule”

Here are some signs of a shopping addiction:

Here are some thoughts that exist when one is so distorted in their thinking that they are contemplating suicide:


Recent studies have shown how suicide rates are increasing among the middle aged. The following article points to some reasons why:

The baby boomer generation is the one that has been affected the most by the economic downturn since they were close to retiring and had most of their money in stocks, bonds and funds. The were hit the hardest economically and since many of them were nearing retirement age, the effect was very powerful on them.

Our experience with the very successful treatment of depression utilizing Neurofeedback actually helps in a more globally because when one has depression, chances are they have tried a number of ways to resolve the depression. With each successive attempt at trying “empty fixes” the problem worsens and thereby puts the person at higher risk for a successful suicide. An additional component of debting is impulsivity and Neurofeedback plus psychotherapy help the person use much more of their thinking brain versus the emotional brain.

Neurofeedback is a completely drug free non-invasive treatment modality that assists the person in a complete reset of their brain regulation. Medications often have side effects that are unwelcome and compliance with medication is low.