Oh COVID-19…the Valentine’s date that we never asked for.
Even a romantic Hallmark movie wouldn’t have been able to predict the overwhelming time single people have been dealing with this past year. Just when you thought dating couldn’t get any more complex, the coronavirus decides to pay the world an unwanted visit.
Loneliness, hopelessness, and frustration have swarmed the minds of many single individuals who hoped this would be their year to date or enter a relationship. However, it is important to understand that grieving this loss of what could have been is completely valid. The COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted that as human beings, we value and crave human connection and intimacy so it is incredibly normal to be feeling this way, especially as someone who is single. What stands out most about human beings is our innate ability to navigate difficult times through adaptation and resilience. It may feel like the pandemic has single-handedly killed your dating life but don’t worry, there are still things you can do to turn this situation around!
Dating apps have become increasingly popular as people have been in isolation. If you were worried about meeting up with strangers before, chances are you might be more comfortable video dating someone rather than meeting them in person. Someone who is taking this pandemic and your health seriously won’t mind taking the necessary precautions to keep you and others safe. In fact, long Facetime or Zoom calls are perfect for getting to know each other better and laying the foundation for what could be a good connection. As you get to know each other better, you are able to stay in the protection of your own home while being able to stay relaxed and stimulated!
Along with all this isolation, increased introspection has become more common for single people during this time. If you haven’t yet, it would be a good time to figure out what qualities you ACTUALLY want in someone. When you have a direction as to who you’re looking for, it becomes clear who is right for you and who you should actually reach out to, right?
If you want to meet someone in person after getting to know them online, it is reasonable to establish mutual precautions before an in-person date occurs. Choosing a location where you can socially distance can help curb the anxiety you may feel about dating during this time. Taking multiple COVID-19 tests before and determining where and how you want to bubble before and after is helping many people. Once again, anyone who seriously cares about your health will be eager to take these safety measures with you.
Yes, doing all these things just for a date as a single individual may feel exhausting and frustrating but remember that life is not normal right now and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel ambiguous loss over the missed opportunities you could have had this past year. However, realize that this ambiguity is not your fault. Ambiguous loss is when there is a loss and you are feeling it yet the person is there. There are two types of ambiguous loss:
Type One: Loss felt when there is physical absence with psychological presence.
Type Two: Loss felt when there is psychological absence with physical presence.
The complexity of this loss can be felt when one has a longing to be partnered, yet there is so much ambivalence about meeting someone in person. In typical non-COVID times, we used to worry about how many sexual partners our love interest may have had. In COVID times something as innocent as “how tight is their bubble” become huge areas of safety concern. In order to adapt to this unusual ambiguity, consider being more open and flexible as you take small safe steps to alleviate this grief and feel at least a little bit in control. Only you will be the one to decide what level of risk you can and choose to tolerate. And most importantly try to do your best to not be judgemental towards others who may be doing “dating” differently than you! You are resilient and you WILL get through this!
At Healthy Within, we are committed to supporting the emotional health of our community. Healthy Within is an integrative brain health center, experienced in helping people re-engage in their wholeness and wellness. We help clients with anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, depression, concussions, OCD, stroke, dementia, and more with neurofeedback.
Contact us for more information about how we can help you get your mind back to functioning at its calm, confident self.
